never give up

Failure....i even hate to say that word........failure can be good or bad and most people learn from failure..... failure is my worst fear..fail in my marriage fail as a mother fail just give up too soon ect i still struggle with failure mostly because when i was growing up my grandparents (my dad parents) didnt accept me as their granddaughter because i wasnt male and i had a handicap i was and still am a "failure" to them ive exprienced verbal and physical abuse because of them but now ive realized they are the failure and they are the problem because they have nothing better to do but bring down a kickass girl....they missed out on getting to know their wonderful granddaughter (and now yrs later they have a greatgrandson who they will meet for the first time this holiday season) and i for one am nervous as hell (having nightmares again flashbacks of the night i remember when i was 4, )and im acting like a child again that needs their approval but im doing this for my child....

i guess u could say because of that exprience with my grandparents i went through life trying to please others insead of myself and after a church retreat and after meeting my husband and all his patience with me a yr ago im finally living life for myself and for my family, i dont care what others think.

When i was 16 my parents divorced and for about 2yrs i was in an angry rage......but i learned through this failure that its not my falut and if you stay in an angry fog......u cant move on.....i dated some strange guys i was engaged at 19 (after my parents divorce i again was just looking for acceptence and love) then my boyfriend killed himself and again i blamed myself I told myself i was never going to get married...and at this same time i was going to school to become a kindergarden teacher and working at a daycare but i got fired from my daycare job (long story) and i failed out of school.........my world was crashing around me for weeks i couldnt understand why i was let go from the daycare and again i was a failure to most of my family for not finishing school......(still plan on going back......i made a promise to a VIP MMW )....so here i am single no job and what i thought was no future.....i got a job a cracker barrel and i met my sexy hero (my husband) and i now help at the town's center for teens who have been abused and i guess what im trying to say is "good things come to those that wait" and a bible verse im trying to live by is "work hard and be a leader or be lazy and never succeed."

Although failure is my biggest fear thur failure ive learned alot about myself and the direction of my life failure has made me stronger person who never gives up.